This time I just want to share this picture of Leon because I can't be arsed to make fun of his costume when he's this badass looking in it:

David Cage Trope #532: One of the most fundamental pillars of game design is to have your characters control in the most unintuitive way as possible; if players are distracted by how poor the controls are, they won't have nearly enough time to think about all the holes your plot has.

"The scratching of the nails against the stone floor made me flinch...and instantly snapped me back into the reality of my situation. I was huddled under an administrative table and the...thing was crawling around just outside the room; as far as I could tell, it looked like a malnourished girl, but even that I can't be sure of. I looked around the little bit of the room I could see, it seemed so much older and dustier then when I first walked in, as if it had aged 50 years in the 5 minutes I've been here. I just want to go home, all I wanted to do was make some extra cash as a receptionist at this hospital...and now I'm stuck in this nightmare. I gripped my cell phone as hard as I could to drown out the sound of the scratching nails against the was getting close. "Please go away..." I whispered...and after a few moments, it was silent. I listened, and then the scratching nails became more was going was going away! I could feel tears welling up in my eyes...and that's when my cell phone went off. The alarm I had set! I fumbled with the phone and dropped it as I scrambled to turn it off. I could barely breath as I heard the nails scratching rapidly across the floor followed by the door creeping open."

"I mean, I guess it's kind of cool, but I'll admit I've never heard of an anti-vampire garter belt before."

"I could hear the bestial wailing in the darkest corners of my mind, and my long unkempt nails were scratching at my scalp as I tried to almost physically remove the words from my brain. Yet...they would not leave. My eyes quickly darted around my cell, caked with filth and stinking of rot, but little did I care. The words...the words kept gnawing at me, dragging my own thoughts back from the front of my consciousness and into the cob-webbed recesses of my very being. The monsters outside pounded on my door, and instinctively I reached for my axe and gripped it so hard I could almost feel my veins burst with the effort. My eyes focused on the door, still shuddering with the pulpy flesh I would soon cleave, and loud as ever, as loud as a thunderclap from the old gods themselves, the words shattered my mind, and repeated once more...."DO THE FATALITY!"


Woolie and Matt cause numerous 24 truck pileups on the high-ways and bi-ways of Clustertruck!

"Look dude, I'm glad you like your pants, but what the hell is the belt around your leg for?"

"Satoshi crept along the darkened hallway, his palms sweaty and his shirt felt oddly constricting. Everyone had seen him fall, the echoing sound of his body thudding against the classroom floor rang off the walls of his skull over and over again. It was so embarrassing, and now he had somehow been separated from the group in this strange place...he just woke up here without the foggiest notion how. Nevertheless, Satoshi grit his teeth and promised to himself that he would never be scared again and show them all what he was really made them all the he was just as cool-headed as Kimura! As this thought bolstered his resolve, Satoshi whirled around and saw the pale after-image of a figure and it was slowly gliding towards him. "Saaaaatoooooshiiiiiii..." the figure wailed in a tone that was etched with pain and suffering. Satoshi froze up at the sight of it, and closed his eyes, his knees buckling. He could feel cold breath against his cheek, and the odorous smell of death filled his tiny anime nostrils. His left eye then dared to open a crack, and then shot open as he saw absolutely nothing in front of him any longer. His head turned in all directions and noticed the hallway was clear except for him. He breathed in a sigh of relief, and just as he was rising to his feet he felt two long cold arms embrace him from behind, "SaaaaaatOOOOSHIIIIIIIIII!" the voice screamed in his ear. Satoshi's body convulsed and spasmed and then realized as the phantom enveloped him, that he had shit his pants."

David Cage Trope #345: David Cage makes movie-like experiences, because it's way easier/lazier than making a compelling game world.

X's Diary, September 28th, AD 21XX: "Truth is, Rolling Shield is my favorite weapon because wearing it makes me feel like Zero."

"My breath was tearing through my lungs as I hobbled as fast as my legs could carry me; my left was bleeding bad and leaving trails of crimson behind that were oddly glowing in the pale moonlight of the Arizona sky. I had no idea where my wife was, but at the moment I had to focus on myself or she'd be lost forever in this insane place...something I didn't want to think about. I had read up about cults before...but I don't think I could have ever been adequately prepared for what I found here...the hot sticky smell of decaying carcasses, the incessant buzzing of flies gorging themselves on the feast laid before was all too much. I had to keep running though, or that insane mob would find me, and I assumed I'd be tossed into that dark hole with the rest of their victims. As I ran, I noticed I was coming up to a shadowy area flanked by trees on either side and I looked up; clouds had just moved over the moon, drastically cutting down on visibility..."Good" I thought, it would be harder for them to find me...but then I realized it would be next to impossible to see MY pursuers as well. I reached into my bag and pulled out my camera and flipped on the nightvision mode, rivulets of sweat pouring down my forehead as I did so. I held up the camera and saw the ghostly green images of the world around me coming into view...I swallowed...not sure if I would outlast the night...outlast this horror."

"I mean, I'm not saying there's anything wrong with your outfit, bro, but who're you trying to impress exactly? It's a castle, not a club."

David Cage Trope #112: Have dumb spinning power ups/collectibles in your story-heavy cinematic games. It helps the player feel more immersed in your non-nonsensical bullshit world of nothing.

"Those damned parasites had killed over half of the people working at this installation!" Jake spat as he tore down the steel ramp of the hallway. They had to have originated from somewhere, but where? Just then, a vent opened up in front of him and more of the disgusting creatures poured out. Jake swung his rifle butt to his shoulder and started tearing into their fleshy pulsating mass. "Arghhh, chew on THIS!" he yelled with false bravado. While there was a certain satisfaction to killing the things, the questions were piling up like bodies. Who had unleashed these things? What type of voodoo curse had been uttered upon this Arctic station? The young operative swore he would track down the gypsy who had done this...caused the slaughter of hundreds of innocent scientists and security staff, just as they were probably reaching a new breakthrough in...what Jake was sure must have been an important field! And right on the cusp of such a discovery, these damned ghosts starting attack them! "Not on my watch! These bigfoot will PAY FOR WHAT THEY'VE DONE!"

Мать Россия стравливает является действительно потрясающие игры! Это ужасными тому, веселье и поддерживает до 4 игроков! Попробуй прежде чем он пытается вас!

X's Diary, September 26th, AD 21XX: "Today Zero told me about his love for iris again. I think he's trying to make me jealous"

"The lightning storm outside illuminated my cabin through the porthole, and I felt a sense of darkening dread wash over me followed quickly by wave of nausea. I had been at sea for the better part of a week, and my stomach had not yet gotten accustomed to the slow but purposeful swaying of the ship. The voyage I was on was long and arduous, but I was determined to sea it through...the horror I had to leave behind. My friends...even some of my family had been slain and I was the one who had found the bodies, the unshakeable image of their flayed corpses, the tendrils of intestines coiling around like so many gore-covered snakes...these images still haunted me. I swallowed hard, a feeling I felt all the way down to my own stomach, and I knew I had to use the nearby lavatories once more...damn to hell this swaying ship. I then got up with a wobble, and made by way over to the small room that housed the toilet and then suddenly, just like the spell of nausea had suddenly swept over me, it just as quickly left. I didn't feel it at fact, I didn't feel head slowly cocked down and I saw why...long, rusty 3 ft blades had punctured my stomach and ran me clean through. The Scissorwalker had found me...and my sea journey was at an end."

"Okay, sure, the tight pants bit is a rich person thing, but why are you such an expert with the whip, huh?"

"I stood there motionless in the hallway as a faraway sound echoing throughout the hallways of the house had frozen my blood. After a few moments...the reverberations from the indescribable noise faded, and soon fear. I then decided it must have been the creaking bones of the structure I was in, simply settling and relaxing into the foundations of rock and earth it was built upon. Breathing in, I then turned around to trek back up the stairs, and just as swiftly the breath was sucked back out of my lungs once more. I was thereupon starring at a dark, piteous face that was mere inches away from my own; with sullen eyes and rivets of steel lodged into it's features. It was then at that moment that I knew, as I could feel my very heart cease to pump blood throughout my body...that I was the latest victim of Grandma Swamp."

David Cage Trope #942: Have a shower scene in your game, cuz fuck it, why not?

X's Diary, September 24th, AD 21XX: "Today someone told me they were gonna expose Zero for the one responsible for Sigma. I shot him"

"Gosh Leon, how can your legs even deal with pants that tight?"



Created 2 years, 7 months ago.

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Category Gaming

Whether you know them as the Two Best Friends, Super Best Friends, The Sw1tcher, Chewie and Fuckface, or anything else,
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